Talking with the Dead
by hiro7
Summary: UPDATED Part 2! Sato talking to Matsuda about her life. TakagixSato (my fave pairing). my first conan fic. review please
1. Chapter 1

Talking with the dead  
  
Part 1  
  
Hey, there.  
  
......  
  
Look, I know you want to laugh at me, but it's just hard to open a conversation with the dead, you know? I bet you haven't tried it to know how hard it is.  
  
... or maybe, you have, with Hagiwara.  
  
Anyway, how are you? I know it's a stupid question, but I sincerely hope that wherever you are now, you are okay.  
  
I'm sorry that it takes me this long to visit you. I guess I was afraid. Like, I know you are dead, I saw your death, but... it's just ever since that time, I always have picture of you in my mind you know.  
  
Whenever I did a thing, I often couldn't help but imagining how you would react to it.  
  
Made me feel as if you were still alive, you know?  
  
I guess I was afraid that if I saw your thombstone, you would really die. I know, I did attend your funeral - funeral of whatever left of you - but it had all passed like a dream.  
  
I haven't visited you again since then.  
  
Just so you'll keep on living.  
  
That's also why, I have never erased your last text message.  
  
Until yesterday, that was.  
  
For three years, your death haunts me. I've lost so many people I loved, and your death was a final blow. I became scared of getting too close with other people.  
  
Many people have tried to win me over. The presents, the flowers, tickets to amusements park, dinners invitations... and I know most of them didn't have any ill intention. That they genuinely cared.  
  
But I always pushed them away. I was afraid that I'd lose again. That death would take someone important from me again.  
  
You have no idea how much your death has affected me.  
  
But he. he slipped under my guards. His smiles and his boyish charm got my attention. I find myself partnered with him more and more often, and though at first I wasn't so keen about the idea - you know that I prefer partnered with senior officers than a junior detective who's two years younger than I am - he was a fast-learner and pretty quick thinker. He did his job really well, which was why I had no reason to ask for another partner.  
  
I still have no reason up until now.  
  
In fact... don't laugh, Matsuda-kun, but I start to enjoy his presence immensely.  
  
Oh stop it, you know who I am talking about~!  
  
.........  
  
Yeah, that's right. It's Takagi Wataru.  
  
So... to make things short, let's just say that I feel so much affection towards him. I still don't know whether it's really love or not, but I care so much about him.  
  
...I nearly lost him yesterday.  
  
Yes, the bombing had taken place again yesterday. It's the same person who had killed you, Matsuda-kun. He nearly killed Shiratori-san when he first appeared again...  
  
I was so mad you know? So mad at my inability to arrest this person who had taken you away, this person who had severely injured Shiratori-san.  
  
I was so mad my hands shook and I practically saw red.  
  
But all those emotions didn't compare to what I felt when I heard Takagi- kun was trapped with Conan - a little boy - in an elevator planted with the very same bomb that had killed you three years ago.  
  
It was like experiencing your death all over again.  
  
I can't even begin to descibe it. the hollowness that in my heart, the weight in the pit of my stomach and it felt as if my heart had been squeezed up. I felt like crying, but I couldn't. If it weren't for my level- headedness - which really often comes in handy in difficult situation like this - I might have gone up to the elevator myself.  
  
So that if he had to die, he'd take me away too.  
  
I didn't mean to sound so corny... but at least that'd spare me the pain of losing yet another important person.  
  
And you know, it was that very moment, that I realized just how important he had become to me.  
  
I used to think of him like he was my younger brother that I adored -- and I do adore him, he *is* kinda cute - or a slightly clumsy junior officer whose back I needed to cover.  
  
But that moment, everything changed.  
  
That moment, I realized that what I felt for him ran deeper than just a brotherly feeling or partnership feeling. It even ran deeper than my feeling to you, which kinda shocked me at first.  
  
And the emotion was so intense, that it made me cry when the last officers pushed me out of the ground zero.  
  
I'd lose him, I thought. I'd lose him.  
  
But it turned up that he didn't die, nor did the wunder kid, Conan. Do you know that Conan was the one that disamble the bomb? He's a genius boy.  
  
Conan got an idea after he saw the clue and it led us to find the other place where the other bomb was planted.  
  
......  
  
...I caught your killer, you know? I caught him. I hope you are proud of me now.  
  
I was so close to kill him, I had pulled the safety lock and all I needed to do was pull the trigger, but Takagi prevented me from doing so. He brought back the officer's sense that I'd lost in my moment of fury and he told me something that reminded me of you.  
  
He said that I shouldn't forget you if it was an important memory for me. Especially because when a person dies, they can only live through the memory of others.  
  
That what brought me to erase your message yesterday.  
  
Because even without that symbolism, you will still live through my memories. I won't be able to forget you, so rest assured that you'll live until I die.  
  
......  
  
The bomber have been caught, Matsuda-kun. Now you can rest without any worry.  
  
About Takagi-kun. I still am not sure what it is that I feel for him. I hope it is love. I want to love someone.  
  
In time, Matsuda-kun, I'll sort that one out.  
  
I'll be around from now on. I'll visit you . well, maybe not frequently, but I'll visit you. And we'll talk. You and I.  
  
And until then, please say hi to my father, will you? Tell him that mom and I still think of him and that I still treasure his handcuffs.  
  
I'll bring Takagi-kun along on my next visit.  
  
For now.  
  
Bai bai, Matsuda-kun.  
  
End of part 1 


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note : Um... this WHOLE chapter might be considered as full blown spoilers, since in this chapter I practically want to try to write Satou's POV during the case happened in vol.40. But there isn't vol 40, it's still on shonen magazine though. I'm sorry if this troubled you to read since all of this chapter is spoilers. I sincerely hope at least a few of you still want to read it.  
  
For those who want to read that case I mentioned, you can find its scanlation at . It's under the title "Unpeaceful Date".  
  
Talking to the Dead (part 2)  
  
Hey there, Matsuda-kun. Long time, huh?  
  
Look, I'm bringing someone here. Yes, it's the person I've told you before. It's Takagi-kun.  
  
He brings you flowers, a pretty bouquet of freesia. I've told him that freesia doesn't suit you well, but he insisted on it. He said freesia would do just fine. I hope you like it just for the sake of appreciating his effort and good will.  
  
... I think that freesia suits him better than you. Do you know the meaning of freesia? One of its meaning is innocence. He is kind of the picture of innocence. Oh, I know he is not innocent, no he isn't. He has his shares enough to make him not innocent.  
  
But somehow... in some particular ways, he looks, he feels innocent. Childish innocence, yes, that must be it. One cannot help but feel how young he look compares to his actual age if looking at him while he is laughing, or blushing.  
  
And he exudes a certain kind of freshness out of him. I don't know if others feels that way. I certainly do.  
  
... He is looking at your stone seriously... what does he talk to you about?  
  
Does he talk about me?  
  
I wish you could tell me...  
  
Anyway, flowers from me would be the usual flowers. Pink carnation. Isn't the bouquet looks so pretty?  
  
... I'm sure you have known what pink carnation means, right? I mean, you couldn't possibly *not* know. For all I know, you can practically ask the God Himself about its meaning.  
  
Yeah... it means I won't forget you.  
  
Ever.  
  
If there's one thing you can believe me of, it's that I won't forget you.  
  
... Oh, Takagi-kun has finished talking to you? Hmm, looks like he's giving us time and space to talk, ne? Isn't he just so sweet?  
  
You know, Matsuda-kun, yesterday we went to amusement park together. Tropical Island, you know that place, right?  
  
Kinda sursprised me when he asked me to go out with him. It was kinda cute, the way he blushed and shoved the ticket to me, and stuttering that he would take a day off too.  
  
I just couldn't say no. No way in hell I would say no. Not when he bothered to look for the tickets, and asked me of all girls to go out with him, and especially not when he blushed so adorably like that.  
  
I kind of wondering... does he act the same way too towards other girls?  
  
No! No, I am not jealous~! I'm just wondering, that's all.  
  
Anyway, the weather was nice yesterday, and it gave me the spirit to enjoy my rare day out. He was kind of nervous at first, but gradually he acted normally again. We talked about many thing, about everything and nothing and he was such a good partner to talk with!  
  
With many couples all around us, I started to mold into the mood as well... I was wondering at first whether it was silly of me to feel that way and whether he felt the same way, but I decided not to care. I decided I was going to enjoy it while it lasted.  
  
Do you know? You might not believe it, but I took so much joy just seeing him laugh at some silly stories. That I took so much joy at the sight of his sparkling dark eyes, the sight of his smiling face, the sound of his deep voice.  
  
He was still acting like a klutz some times, but somehow I found it adorable.  
  
Do you think I have a strange taste of man?  
  
But then, suddenly some passersby just had to complain about how lousy the police was in taking care of the crimes and things like that, and my good, light mood just suddenly evaporated, and I was suddenly back into officer mood. I was about to catch up to those guy, had Takagi-kun not stopped me.  
  
Oh well... I still want to give those guy a piece of my mind, but I didn't want to ruin our time.  
  
Short time afterwards, we met with Professor Agasa who was taking the children to play at the park. Do you still remember that Conan boy that I told you before? The one that dissambled the bomb? Yeah, it was him and his friends yesterday.  
  
By some sheer (bad?) luck, Professor Agasa had to take care of urgent things at home and Takagi-kun and I were left to take care of the kids.  
  
It turned out to be not so bad, though I kinda wanted to spend time just with Takagi-kun, but it turned out to be fun. It was cute, the sight of those kids (save for Conan and Ai who were too emotionally grown up in my opinion) going all clingy with Takagi-kun, pulling at his hands to there and there, dragging him to one spots to another.  
  
I have to admit he did handled them well. Probably because he had so much boyish side still left in him.  
  
... He would make a good father one day.  
  
He kind of apologized that the day didn't go as originally planned, but I told him it was okay. That I still enjoyed it anyway, and believe it or not, Matsuda-kun, I told him that with those children, we could practice to handled our children one day*.  
  
Handled our children one day!!!!!!!!  
  
I can't believe it that I actually DID say that!!!  
  
I must have blushed then. Takagi too looked surprised at this, and then blushed as well.  
  
Anyway, not so long after, we were confronted with another obstacle in our so called 'date'.  
  
Someone had accidentally took Takagi-kun's bag after one of the rides, and when we opened the bag that Takagi-kun picked, guess what, we found drugs in it.  
  
Drugs.  
  
Sweet Jeeves, couldn't a police officer enjoy one day in peace, without having to meet and handle any case at all???!!!!!  
  
But a case was a case and we decided to solve it.  
  
Conan turned out to be a really genius kid! Honestly, he has this sharp and quick way of thinking. It was because of his deduction that we finally managed to tracked down the owner of the drugs.  
  
I don't really want to repeat the case now, since yesterday Takagi-kun and I had to make a full, complete report on it. And I am still annoyed that the case ruined my day.  
  
But yesterday, when we were chasing the drugs' owner, by chance I saw a giant ferris wheel, with big rounds of fire crackers at the background, and suddenly... well, I was reminded again of you... and your tragic death.  
  
You died at the ferris wheel and yesterday, at the sight of it, I felt this big feeling of loss inside my heart all over again. Suddenly my feet just wouldn't run anymore, and I just fell onto the pavement, and I felt like crying.  
  
I felt sobs bubbling up from my chest to my throat.  
  
I don't know why, but my mind was messing with me again.  
  
Your death really has messed me up, you know?  
  
Then I saw Takagi-kun's face in my mind, his smiling, cheerful face, and then I became afraid.  
  
I was so ready to let him close into my heart, so ready to hold him so dear in my heart, when a doubt came into my mind.  
  
What if... he suddenly leave me?  
  
What if, like you, he died in the line of duty before we even have time together?  
  
What if he didn't love me?  
  
What if we didn't have chance together?  
  
What then? What then?  
  
Can I handle one more loss?  
  
Can I stay sane, can I hold myself up, if then I have to lose him like I lost you?  
  
Questions swirled in my mind, questions that made me break sobbing.  
  
Memories of yesterday came flooding and then I imagined if then one by one the memories broke and dissolves into nothingness.  
  
Can I take one more loss?  
  
I was so lost in my depressing though that I didn't think anymore about the suspect we were chasing, nor did I hear the small voices of the kids asking what was wrong with me.  
  
The next thing I knew was Takagi-kun bending down near me, telling me that the suspect had been captured. Then his voiced became worried and asked why I was crying. I heard the kids telling him it was because the ferris wheel and that it was his fault for being so inconsiderate to take me here.  
  
I heard him saying that he was sorry, that he didn't think, but really, that was the farthest thing in my mind at that time.  
  
At his voice, I'd come to a conclusion that right now, I wouldn't be able to handle losing him. That now, aside from my mother, he had became the most important person to me in a special way.  
  
I got him to promise me that he wouldn't ever leave me.  
  
And he said yes. He promised he wouldn't leave me.  
  
And strangely enough, Matsuda-kun, when he smiled and held my hand, my troubled mind calmed down. He had soothed me in his own, unique way.  
  
You must say that it's karma, because I've rejected so many people before, and maybe you're right.  
  
Maybe it's karma. But I'm happy with it.  
  
You remember I said I want to love and be loved again? I think all these time I've been so selfish, so self centered, that I receive so much love but I don't want to give my love to anybody.  
  
Well I think it's my time to fix it. I want to give my love to him, someone I want to believe deserve it and won't waste it.  
  
I sincerely hope that you will agree with me.  
  
... Ah, Takagi-kun said there is a call from Inspector Megure. I have to go now. You know, to protect civilians from the beast hehehe... There will never be a day off for a police officer right?  
  
I hope Takagi-kun does give you a good impression.  
  
Until next time, Matsuda-kun.  
  
Bai bai.  
  
-end-  
  
* Satou is not saying it that way actually, but since we can do almost everything in fanfiction world ;), then there it is hehehehe...  
  
I hope you enjoy it so far. Please give me comments okay^^? I'd really love to know what the readers think about my works ^^v.  
  
And I just can't help but wish there woud be more Takagi x Sato fics out there... heck, the world needs more takagi x sato fic^^;;...  
  
Hmm.. okay, let's see if I can manage to write more of this series... 


End file.
